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Talking to your parents or loved ones about ageing can be daunting. Many of us feel uncomfortable confronting the reality of our family members growing older. Raising the subject of health, independence and future care can quickly lead to awkward silences or emotional reactions. However, having these discussions early on is crucial for their peace of mind and yours too. When done with empathy, these conversations can strengthen your relationship and ensure that everyone is on the same page when it comes to decisions about living arrangements and care in the future.
Here are some tips to help you start the conversation about ageing with your parents.
It’s easy to put off talking about ageing, especially when things seem fine. But the best time to start is before a crisis hits. Waiting until a health emergency, accident or significant change happens can create unnecessary stress and pressure for everyone involved. By starting the conversation early, you allow time to discuss concerns, explore options and set a plan in motion that works for everyone.
Approaching the topic when your parents are still relatively healthy and independent allows for a more relaxed and productive conversation. You might start by casually asking about their long-term plans or how they feel about their health as they get older. The goal is to create a space where you can talk openly, without the urgency that comes with a crisis.
Timing and environment matter. Avoid starting the discussion during a family gathering, when they’re stressed or when you’re in a rush. Instead, look for a quiet, comfortable time when you can give them your full attention.
Make sure the environment feels safe and private, allowing your parents to speak freely. Reassure them that you’re coming from a place of care and concern, not pressure or control. A warm, non-judgmental tone can go a long way toward making the conversation more productive.
While you may have ideas about what your parents need, it’s important to give them the space to share their own thoughts, wishes and concerns. They might have strong feelings about maintaining their independence, staying in their home or receiving certain types of care. Let them speak openly without interruption and make sure you acknowledge their feelings, even if they differ from your own.
For example, if your parent expresses a desire to stay in their home for as long as possible, validate that by saying something like, “I completely understand. Let’s talk about ways we can make that happen while also keeping you safe.”
A conversation about ageing should cover their health and future care. This may include:
It’s important to remain flexible as their wants, needs and requirements may change over time. Reassure your parents that the goal is not to take away their independence, but rather to support them in maintaining it as long as possible.
As difficult as it might be, it’s also important to talk about practical and legal matters. This might include things like financial planning, wills and power of attorney. While these discussions can feel uncomfortable, having clear documentation in place will ensure that everyone knows what to do if your parents become unable to make decisions for themselves.
Topics to cover might include:
While it may be hard to discuss such topics, approaching them with kindness and respect will help ensure that all their wishes are met.
It’s important to remember that not every parent or older relative will be eager to talk about ageing. Some may be in denial, while others might resist the idea of changing their lifestyle. Be patient and give them time to process the conversation. Don’t expect to resolve everything in one sitting. Keep the lines of communication open and allow space for them to think about their options and to voice their concerns.
If they resist, you might gently bring up the topic again later or address their specific worries. For example, if they’re concerned about losing independence, you might discuss ways to maintain independence, like using assistive technology or bringing in caregivers to help with daily tasks. Suggest options such as retirement living where they can safely downsize and remain independent without the responsibility of repairs and maintaining a garden.
Take the time to look into the different options available that may help your parent or older relative to age well. This could be retirement living, home care, or residential aged care options. Knowledge is power and having all the right information ahead of time can make any future transition simpler and less stressful.
Ageing is a long-term process, and people’s needs will evolve over time. It’s essential to revisit the conversation every now and then, especially when there are changes in health or circumstances. Check in regularly with your parents to see how they’re feeling about their care and what adjustments might be necessary. This also helps reduce anxiety, as everyone knows there is ongoing communication about future plans.
Remember, it’s okay to have the same conversation multiple times. What’s important is keeping an open dialogue where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns.
RetireAustralia owns and operates retirement villages in 29 unique urban, seaside, tree-side and regional locations.
